“Talk to adult kids about grandkids - CharlotteObserver.com” plus 1 more

Talk to adult kids about grandkids - CharlotteObserver.com

Posted: 07 Dec 2010 01:56 AM PST

Posted: Monday, Dec. 06, 2010

John Rosemond, an N.C. author, writes on traditional parenting.

Q. Whenever our two adult children, their spouses and our four school-age grandchildren (tweenagers, all) visit us, chaos reigns. The children are wild. They run, jump and scatter toys and clothing all over the place, all with much yelling and screaming. The parents do little to control the situation. We have tolerated this for some time now because we don't want to create discomfort for our guests. But we've pretty much had it. Do we talk to the parents or just discipline them ourselves?

This can be the stickiest of wickets, one that I'm hearing about from an ever-increasing number of grandparents. Apparently, too many of today's parents fail to realize that proper parenting is an expression of love and respect for one's neighbors, including friends and relatives.

Lacking such fundamental social awareness, they inflict their little terrors on everyone.

Willie and I laid down the law early on concerning grandchild behavior in our home. We told the kids that two rules prevailed: First, when in Rome do as the Romans do, and when the Romans come to you, do as the Romans do. Second, it is our job to spoil, your job to discipline; do not do our job and we won't have to do yours. Thankfully, our kids were and are still on board with our expectations. We aren't draconian, but things like jumping on furniture, loud noises and disobedience are not allowed. Those clear understandings make for much better visits.

I would take this issue up with the parents. If you react to the grandchildren's behavior out of the blue, and especially given the precedents that have been set, you are likely to run afoul of parental protectiveness.

Furthermore, you should not be responsible for the discipline of your grandchildren. Their parents are responsible.

Assuming you and Grandma are on the same page (Caution! Do not proceed unless that condition is satisfied!), talk to the parents. Tell them what bothers you and what your expectations are. No need to be critical, mind you. No need to imply that you don't approve of their parenting. Explain that the older one gets, the less tolerant one becomes of child chaos. It's true, unless one is blessed with hearing loss.

The parents, in turn, should convey your expectations to the grandchildren before they visit again. They should make a further commitment to you that enforcement will not be in your court. And it really doesn't matter whether the parents agree with your expectations; they should back you unconditionally. That's one way parents teach children respect for adult authority.

Family psychologist John Rosemond: www.rosemond.com.

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Let kids outside, but dress them well - Wichita Eagle

Posted: 06 Dec 2010 10:00 PM PST

As the weather turns colder, kids' physical activity tends to decrease. The cooler temperature, brisk wind and rain and snow can keep them indoors. But why let winter weather keep kids from the fun of outdoor play and activities?

The key is to be prepared to enjoy the winter season, especially when it comes to clothing. That's an area with which kids need help and oversight.

Everyone has heard of layering as it applies to stylish attire. The same principle will also regulate your temperature and help keep you warm and dry.

Winter dressing has three layers: a base layer, a mid layer and an outer layer. The base fits tightly to your body and serves to keep the body dry, allowing perspiration to evaporate. Avoid cotton clothing for this first layer because it traps moisture; therefore, it stays wet and draws heat away from you.

Several clothing companies make moisture-wicking synthetics that keep moisture from collecting near your skin.

The mid layer is for insulation and keeps you warm. These clothing items should fit a little more loosely. Wool, fleece, polyester and down are good choices. The outer layer provides protection from wind and water.

Head, hands and toes are areas that kids tend to leave exposed. The head can lose up to 40 percent of the body's heat. To prevent that, wear a hat instead of relying on a hood. Many coats have hoods, but the gapping around the head does not keep the head as warm as a hat. Choose mittens over gloves to keep fingers warmer.

Put away flip-flops and ballet flats for warm-weather seasons. Wear shoes with substantial soles, a closed heel and toe, or boots. Winter shoes should have enough room to wear thick socks without pinching the toes. Good circulation prevents the possibility of frostbite.

The face is an area that is hard to cover and protect from cold weather. The sensitive skin on kids' cheeks, chins and lips can chap easily. Use face and lip moisturizers before kids go outside. Apply petroleum jelly under a child's runny nose; it lasts longer than moisturizers. Additionally, sunscreen should be used; sunburns occur just as easily in the winter as they do in the summer.

When kids play in cold weather, they often get so busy playing and having fun that they don't recognize when they are getting too cold. If a child gets too cold, he/she could be at risk for frostbite or hypothermia. As a reminder: Never rub frostbitten skin. If you suspect frostbite, call your doctor.

Kids will be eager to get outdoors, especially when that first snow falls. Let them. But help them to protect themselves by wearing clothing that will keep them warm and dry.

Fit Kids is a weekly feature written for The Wichita Eagle by physical education teachers and staff in the Wichita school district. This column was written by Melanie Moore, physical education teacher at Allison Middle School.

Kids Clothing

Tuesday, December 7, 2010