Saturday, March 5, 2011

Ann-Marie Berg: Help your kids stop stereotyping - Ames Tribune

Ann-Marie Berg: Help your kids stop stereotyping - Ames Tribune

Ann-Marie Berg: Help your kids stop stereotyping - Ames Tribune

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I recently ran into one of my child's classmates whose name I had forgotten. Later, I tried describing the girl to see if my daughter knew who I meant.

"You know who I mean," I said. "She wears black lipstick, black nail polish and dresses in shredded black clothes. I think she is kind of 'goth.' "

My daughter gave me an annoyed glare.

"Mom, I cannot believe you would stereotype Morticia like that. For all you know she is a cheerleader. You really shouldn't label people."

Guiltily, I agreed that stereotyping wasn't fair. I felt bad about it until my daughter came bounding down the stairs in a new shirt, saying she just had to buy it because all the "populars" were wearing them.

Like it or not, we all stereotype. Even when we try not to judge based on what people are wearing, the color of their hair or who they hang out with, we end up stereotyping despite our best efforts not to. Labeling people according to their likes and similarities makes it easier to refer to a group of people as a whole. Another reason we tend to stereotype is because we are quick to make assumptions about other people based on first impressions. Kids are especially guilty of this. Ironically, though they swear to be unique individuals, they clump each other into stereotypical groups nonetheless. There are the braniacs, preppies, punks, hipsters, jocks, emos, populars, goths, druggies, plastics, skaters, stoners, the list goes on.

When kids are stereotyped, they can internalize the label and feel obligated to live up to the expectation. A braniac, for example, may feel pressured into getting all A's. This can lead to unnecessary stress. Troublemakers or class clowns may feel the expectation to act out, even when they don't want to, to avoid disappointing classmates and to fulfill their assumed role among peers. Popular girls may feel pressure to be exclusive or mean to others so as not to lose their spot in the social circle.

Talk with your kids about labels. Ask how they see themselves, which groups they feel they are classified into and whether they feel pressured into acting in ways they are not comfortable with. Encourage your kids be themselves with confidence, to make decisions based on their beliefs rather than what the group thinks.

Stereotyping does not allow for individual differences to be appreciated. When kids condense people into a group, the uniqueness the individual is lost. Besides, many kids feel falsely labeled or misrepresented by the stereotypes other kids give them. Kids need to realize that despite being part of a larger circle, each person deserves the respect of being treated as an individual. This means getting to know someone before assuming they are just like everyone else. Encourage your kids to give others a chance before writing them off as "just another jock."

When we stereotype, we run the risk of perpetuating negative associations about a group of people. It is 2011, well past the time to teach our kids to avoid judgments based on looks, religion or race. Try to set a good example by not stereotyping yourself. Do not talk about groups of people in generalizations. Avoid statements such as, "They are all … ," "Those people … ," or "All Irish/Hispanic/African-American, (etc.) people … "

Point out differences within groups. If you catch your child referring to a group of people as being all the same, remind him or her that the group is made up of individuals, each one with unique traits and talents, which gets lost when we label.

Expose your kids to different cultures and new experiences. Education dispels myths and broadens understandings of different people. Exposing kids to people with interests or backgrounds other than their own can help to create a sense of respect for other cultures and open-mindedness, in general.

Television can perpetuate stereotypes, too. Talk to your kids about how women, racial/ethnic minorities and teenagers are portrayed in the shows your family watches. Help kids understand that the roles on television and in movies are sensationalized and often should not be considered models as to how behave or perceive others.

Stop stereotyping. Encourage kids to define themselves rather than relying on labels to do it for them. They say, you can't judge a book by its cover, right? You shouldn't judge a kid by his or her crowd either.

The following are comments from readers. They do not necessarily represent the views of The Tribune or Amestrib.com.

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