Undeserved compliments can undermine kids |
- Undeserved compliments can undermine kids ... - Regina Leader-Post
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- Get kids into the kitchen early - Regina Leader-Post
| Undeserved compliments can undermine kids ... - Regina Leader-Post Posted: 09 Apr 2010 05:55 AM PDT That's fantastic, sweetie! Awesome! You're so smart! A lot of well-intentioned parents cover their kids with a blanket of constant praise in the hopes of promoting self-esteem and confidence, as well as showing their love and support. But child psychology experts say there's a definite downside to round-the-clock compliments: Too much praise for too little effort can undermine children's motivation, resilience and well-being. "Kids need honest feedback, not just our praise," says Joan Martin, an educational psychologist at the University of Victoria, and mother of three. Even the innocuous-sounding "good job" conferred on countless activities can be problematic, she says. She remembers one of her children churning out drawings, then racing in to show the result to her every few minutes. She soon realized the child was seeking an automatic "good job" from Mommy, rather than enjoying making art --which was not the message she wanted to instil about self-motivation and effort. In fact, it's definitely OK not to praise every drawing your child brings to your attention, she says, and there's nothing wrong with sending some back, saying, "I don't think you tried very hard on that." Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards, contends that ever-present "good-jobbing" risks turning kids into "praise junkies," making them less likely to take steps to independence. Martin is similarly leery of praise that translates to the child's ear as "you were the best." That can push the child to constant comparisons with others, leading to "a balloon ego," always liable to inflation and deflation by external forces. "That's really hard, emotionally," she says. The "praise craze" -- in the words of Harvard University child psychologist Richard Weissbourd -- might even induce kids to feel something is wrong with them that requires over-compensation via applause, in turn, seeding doubts about their parents as mentors. While all kids should be told they're terrific at times, "children who are praised too much become more conscious of their image, more competitive, and more prone to cut others down," he writes in The Parents We Mean to Be: How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development. Constant praise conveys constant judgment. Rather than enhancing children's inner resources, overdoing praise can deplete them, he says. "The irony is that all this work to buttress self-esteem and happiness not only makes children less capable of moral action -- more self-occupied, less able to invest in others, more fragile and less able to stand up for important values -- but more likely to fret about their attractiveness, competence or importance to others, more prone to worry and unhappiness." Praise should be contingent on effort, good behaviour or self-motivation, Martin says. Otherwise, kids might depend on hearing it without having to work toward actual competence. In the real world, people are not going to be constantly feeding your child's ego, she says. "My kids get praise for putting effort into it, for pushing themselves, but they never get told that they're gifted," Martin says. Telling a child how smart she is can backfire, making her less, not more, likely to try challenging learning tasks, according to research by Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck. Psychologist Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege, questions the motivation of over-praising. "On a deeper level, it is about control and compliance," she writes -- a way to keep kids invested in things that matter most to parents. That, she says, can lead kids to follow what they're praised for, not what they're passionate about. Victoria Times Colonist kdedyna@tc.canwest.com Tips on positive reinforcement Five Filters featured article: Chilcot Inquiry. Available tools: PDF Newspaper, Full Text RSS, Term Extraction. |
| More recent entries - Dayton Daily News Posted: 09 Apr 2010 06:24 AM PDT Home > Blogs > Here's the Deal > Archives > 2010 > April > 09 > Entry 3 moms sales set for April 24Moms, mark your calendars for Saturday, April 24, because there will be three stellar sales that can get you items for your kids and your home at a great discount. First off is the BCN Mom-2-Mom Clothing & Equipment Sale, which will be held from 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. April 24 at Beavercreek Church of the Nazarene, 1850 N. Fairfield Road in Beavercreek. What sets this sale apart is that, in addition to the gently used clothing (infant through teen and maternity), toys, strollers, accessories, and so on that moms sales usually have, this sale also will have approximately 20 booths selling new, handmade, unique children's craft items. Admission is $1 and the sale is cash only. For more information, e-mail bcnmom2mom@gmail.com. Information also is on Facebook. Also on April 24, the Dayton Mothers of Twins Club is having a sale from 9 a.m. to noon at Epiphany Lutheran Church, 6430 Far Hills Ave., Centerville. On sale will be gently used clothing for kids and many other kid-related items. Admission is $1 and the sale is cash only. For more info, e-mail daytontwinsclub@gmail.com or visit the sale's Facebook page. And finally on April 24, A Great Start Preschool is having its annual consignment sale from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Hope Church, 5980 Wilmington Pike. There is a $1 donation requested, and the sale is cash only. For more info, e-mail aGreatStart@aol.com or visit Facebook. Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment | Categories: Local business, Local consumer events, Savings Five Filters featured article: Chilcot Inquiry. Available tools: PDF Newspaper, Full Text RSS, Term Extraction. |
| Get kids into the kitchen early - Regina Leader-Post Posted: 09 Apr 2010 05:55 AM PDT Cookbook author Karen Berman is tackling two big challenges -- finding family activities that don't involve television and getting children to eat healthier food. In her new book, "Friday Night Bites", she presents 20 themed family meals ranging from Dinner on the Moon and An Evening at the North Pole to Dino Dinner and Teddy Bear Picnic. Each chapter includes recipes and craft projects, educational information for conversation and after-dinner activities, along with suggestions for how children can help prepare some of the food. Berman spoke to Reuters about devising child-friendly recipes and getting children to try new types of food, especially fruits and vegetables. Q: Was this the first project you've worked on with recipes for children? What were the challenges and rewards compared to other things you've done? A: "The biggest challenge for me was that I didn't do the kind of spicy foods I like. I didn't do Thai, with its hot, salty, sour and sweet flavors all in one dish ... or really spicy Mexican salsa. I really tried to keep it to, not bland, but really pure, approachable flavors. Q: You studied at the Cordon Bleu in Paris. How did that training come in handy for this project and how much did you have to modify? A: "I tried to keep the recipes accessible. Some are quick and easy. Some require more prep and more time, but I don't think anything is beyond the skills of the home cook. That said, I definitely use techniques I learned in cooking school. "In the Teddy Bear Picnic, the sauce in the honey-kissed pork tenderloin ... uses one of the techniques of French sauce-making -- cooking meat with various flavorings and letting the pan juices collect, removing the meat from pan, adding stock and maybe a thickener to the pan juices and cooking the mixture down-letting some of the liquid evaporate -- to intensify the flavor. That's what we call reducing a sauce and that is something that is a basic part of the French repertoire. It's part of a lot of the culinary cultures, as well. "In Dinnertime on a Pirate Ship, the treasure chest meatloaf, is another example. I think pretty much every culinary culture from wherever creates flavor bases or flavor profiles. One of the ways to do that ... is to take vegetables and heat them in a little bit of oil or other fat. ... It caramelizes the food, releases the natural sugars ... In that meatloaf, you start with a classic group of vegetables ... carrots onions and celery. ... Place it in a thin layer of fat in the pan and when you add heat ... all the flavors mingle and create a yummy new flavor. ... I wanted to create little treasure chest meatloaves with little colorful bits -- gems -- of flavor. I added red peppers too because I wanted red in there. I sautéed them in vegetable oil before I put them in the ground beef." Q. You use a lot of fruits and vegetables in these recipes. How did you find ways to use them that would appeal to children who can be picky? A: "I figured if I used enough different fruits and veggies in enough different applications, there would be something for everybody ... I tried to do a lot of fruits and veggies in side dishes and appetizers and desserts -- smoothies sometimes as an appetizer. Cold fruit soup is one of the desserts ... For the pirate dinner, the classic floating island dessert became Floating Treasure Island ... "One of the best gifts we can give our children is to teach them to eat widely from the plant world. We have such a tendency to demonize food and say what you shouldn't eat. It's nice to give kids a positive message about things that they should eat. Rain Forest Smoothie Makes 3-1/2 to 4 cups 1-1/2 cups frozen mango chunks (from the frozen food aisle) 2 cups frozen vanilla yogurt 1/4 cup granulated sugar 1-1/2 cups passion fruit juice Place the mango, frozen yogurt, sugar and juice into a blender and blend until smooth and creamy. If necessary, stop the blender and mix to be sure it's thoroughly blended and all the mango chunks are being chopped. Frozen mango can take a while to blend, but keep going until you have a nice, thick, creamy drink. Pour into glasses and serve. Five Filters featured article: Chilcot Inquiry. Available tools: PDF Newspaper, Full Text RSS, Term Extraction. |
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