“Empty-nesters disagree over getting rid of 'clutter' - Anchorage Daily News” plus 1 more |
| Empty-nesters disagree over getting rid of 'clutter' - Anchorage Daily News Posted: 23 Apr 2010 01:35 AM PDT Empty-nesters disagree over getting rid of 'clutter'Published: April 23rd, 2010 12:40 AM More Love stories »Dear Wanda and Wayne: It's spring cleaning time! It's the first spring that all of the kids are out of our house (two in college; one on his own). The wife and I don't plan on downsizing to a smaller house anytime soon, but we have talked for years about getting rid of some of the family clutter that has taken over the shed, garage, rec room and kids' rooms over the years. With everyone gone, it's the perfect opportunity. Suddenly my wife doesn't feel the same way. She wants to keep all the soccer trophies, state fair ribbons, report cards, video games, everything! She got sad a few weeks ago when I moved boxes of kids' clothing from our attic to my truck so I could take them to Value Village, and now she refuses to make plans with me for a weekend cleanup. My wife has always been sensitive and emotional when it comes to the kids, family and keepsakes. I've tried to be patient, but I'm tired of the clutter. When the kids come home this summer, they'll also fight me about getting rid of any of their stuff (they're like their mom in that way). How can I get my house cleaned up and not break my wife's heart (or break my back doing all the work by myself)? -- Not-So-Empty Nester
Wanda says, Man, I am so with you. Every time this year I look around my house and ask myself what I can get rid of. It's incredible how much clutter can amass in a year, let alone your children's lifetimes. Lately I've been on a book-purging bender -- it's a little sad, but what are the chances I'm going to re-read my old statistics textbook? Besides, if I ever regret letting go of anything, I can probably find it at the library. It doesn't sound like your wife and kids are packrats, which is good -- they just have sentimental attachments to all their crap ... er, stuff. This being the first year your grown children are out of the house, maybe it's not the best time to push for a trip to the dump. Your wife is likely feeling a sense of loss after all her baby birds have flown, and holding onto objects that remind her of their childhoods gives her comfort. It would be callous to demand she detach herself from those memories in the midst of coping with empty nest syndrome. Give it another year or so, then strategically place a copy of Peter Walsh's "It's All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff" on her nightstand. Meanwhile may I suggest a marvelous little thing called a storage unit -- they were invented specifically for junk-accumulating Americans like your family! Get a couple of buddies to help you move all the stuff you don't need but that your wife can't bear to part with. And in a few years when your kids are out of college, tell them to go through it and grab everything they want, because the rest is going either to charity or the incinerator.
Wayne says, I've got an amazing little storage unit -- in fact, it's magical! Every week, I cram as much clutter as I can into it, and then I roll it to the curb before I go to work. When I get home that night -- shazam! -- it's empty again and hungry for more junk. Empty Nester -- do not relent. A promise is a promise, a mess is a mess, and there will never be a perfect time to do this kind of work. Next year? After the kids graduate? After the kids are married? After the kids have kids (and kids' junk) of their own? The stuff is always going to have the same or more emotional value to your wife. So give her one more chance to help. Tell her that she doesn't have to dump everything, but she has to start with clothing that no longer fits, documents you won't need even in the event of a lawsuit, and technology that doesn't have an "i" in front of its name. Hopefully she'll get onboard and the experience will be liberating. If she can't bring herself to do it, take her to a fancy dinner. While you're out, take Wanda's advice and have your buddies (pre-paid in pizza and beer, of course) load anything in your house that doesn't look extremely valuable into the back of your truck, and then drive that truck to the dump. They have no emotional attachment -- they're perfect. If you have as much clutter as it sounds like you do, she won't even notice that anything's missing when you get home. When your buddies are done, have them give me a shout. My mom's making me get my baseball cards out of her house and I could really use a hand.
• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com. Five Filters featured article: Chilcot Inquiry. Available tools: PDF Newspaper, Full Text RSS, Term Extraction. |
| Shop for Kids at 25 Park - Guestofaguest.com Posted: 23 Apr 2010 12:31 AM PDT Five Filters featured article: Chilcot Inquiry. Available tools: PDF Newspaper, Full Text RSS, Term Extraction. |
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